Portillo comes out - he’s a closet Remainer!
Shock horror, Senor Portillo of the Brexit Broadcasting Censors, steam railways division, has been revealed as a closet Remainer. Senior BBC executives held an emergency meeting. “This is an intolerable situation. We can’t have someone with pro-EU views corrupting the airwaves and slipping in positive messages about Europe,” said Mr B. Rexit, the BBC’s head of balance and fairness. David Dimblebore has been asked to step in and present a series of illustrated readings from old railway timetables until a suitable, UKIP approved, successor to Senor Portaloo can be found. It’s rumoured there are many more “sleepers” in the Tory party waiting for the moment when they can spring out from behind a curtain and shout “Boooooo”, to scare Theresa Mayhem into flushing her chaotic Brexit down the toilet, where it belongs. Senor Portillo has long been suspected of harbouring Remainer tendencies. "He’s the son of a Spanish immigrant, for heaven’s sake, what more evidence do you need?"...